Father’s Day
"When a child is born, a father is born. A mother is born, too of course, but at least for her it's a gradual process. Body and soul, she has nine months to get used to what's happening. She becomes what's happening. But for even the best-prepared father, it happens all at once. On the other side of a plate-glass window, a nurse is holding up something roughly the size of a loaf of bread for him to see for the first time."
- Frederick Buechner
It's an interesting thing becoming a father. Like Frederick Buechner says, it happens all at once. I'd like to think that I was well prepared - my mum used to run a pre-kindergarten in Singapore and I would help out when I was in high school, I would be happy to babysit friend's kids, I decided to pursue wedding photography for the flexibility of schedule so I could spend time with my kids one day, and somehow, while photographing weddings, I always found it easier to talk to kids rather than make small talk with the other guests.
But this bread loaf sized human being may be tiny but will stretch you in ways you never thought possible. No amount of "training" can prepare you for what is to come next. Of course, fatherhood cannot be compared to motherhood - which is perhaps everything of the changes a father experiences plus so much more. And that's why my aim since becoming a father has always been to help my wife as much as I can, because I believe no amount of sleepless nights & dirty diapers can compare with going through the experiences pregnancy (pre & post) and of course the pain of labour itself.
I'm proud to be part of a generation of fathers who are willing to share the load of parenthood equally - being more involved with their children, helping out on the domestic front and who are willing to take a step back from their career to look after the kids, in order to allow their wives to pursue theirs.
In our household, I am in charge of the domestic front and am the primary caregiver / ‘lead parent’. My wife is truly excellent at what she does, and we have collectively decided that she is the ‘lead’ breadwinner for our family. At times, being the domesticated one is beyond exhausting - something I could have never anticipated before I became a father. Having to scale back on my business has also been tough, but a necessary sacrifice. Having witnessed the traditional family set up where the man is the breadwinner and the woman the caregiver from the generations before, I also am able to empathise with pressures of having to bring home the bacon. Although it is often agreed that going to work is ‘easier’ in some ways than taking care of the kids, managing the stress of the office then diving straight into the deep end of domestic family life is not a walk in the park either. No one said parenthood was an easy ride, but having someone to partner with is ultimately the most joyful, rewarding one.
To all fathers - regardless whether you may be the breadwinner or the primary caregiver, Happy Father's Day.
For respecting your wife and treating her as an equal. For being there for your kids despite being tired & exhausted. For pulling your weight on the domestic front. For being a partner in parenthood.
As I look through these photos of my family, I feel like crying - I am beyond thankful - for my beautiful wife and children; for this wonderful life; for this opportunity to be called "Daddy".
Photographed on a Pentax 67 with 105 f2.4 on Portra 400.